Timesplitters 2
by Claymore
Summary: This is like timesplitters one except it is the second game. It was also twisted by my hands and probably ruined it, but hey, it still is funny! Please if you read this, review it! Sgt. Cortez and Corp. Hart must save the delicate fabric of humanity from


This is a Vash 7472 story just telling you that I don't own anything that is to be put into this story, except the sandwhich, but that is something entirely different. I haven't seen any stories about Timesplitters 2 so I figured that may be an interesting topic. So enjoy and if you didn't, go look up some of Kaze356 stories, at least he can write stuff that is good... sniff. Do not sue me please!   
List of characters:  
Sgt. Cortez-The Hero  
Corp Hart-The sidekick, or the chick in tiny pants  
Nikolai-the Russian creep  
Sgt. Slate- the coward  
Timesplitter-timesplitter(scary thing that farts electricty from his hand)  
And the rest of the cast nobody cares about!  
Timesplitters 2 the Begining  
  
(Scene... space get used to it. Time the far distent future, about twenty secinds a spaceship is flying to a giant spacestation)  
  
Sgt. Cortez: So Hart are you doing anything this evening?  
  
Corp. Hart: That is Corp. Hart to you, and stop staring at my butt that is barely fitting in my pants.  
  
Sgt. Cortez:(his eyes are very blank and looking at Sgt. Cortez's butt) glaaaaaagh... huh what what were you saying?  
  
(Corp. Hart smacks him upside the head and Sgt. Cortez hits the ground) Smaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!  
  
Sgt. Cortez: uhhhhhhhhh... what did I do?  
  
Corp Hart: SHUT UP NOW!  
  
H.Q. very crackily over wrist radio: crick fizz crackle stop beating up fizz snap pop Cortez we need his... uhhhh, smart thingy that is pink and... bye.  
  
Sgt. Cortez: He is right, woah your butt is huge!  
  
Corp. Hart: WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Sgt. Cortez: Nothing, nothing.  
  
(Scene switches to inside the space station and two timesplitters start walking toward a pile of dead bodies)  
  
Timesplitter 1: Groof graaa sneeef shalk pifffle anhgleoo  
  
Timesplitter 2: gareping griminy shiffs shluster  
  
Intercom: TALK NORMAL YOU PANZY TIMESPLITTERS, SO WE CAN #$%^&*! UNDERSTAND YOU!  
  
Timesplitter 1: Do we have to?  
  
Intercom: YES.  
  
Timsplitter 2: Do you have to yell and cuss?  
  
Intercom: YES I HAVE TO YELL AND #$%^&*! CUSS YOU DIP $#!^ PANZIES NOW GET TO WORK!  
  
TimsplitterS 1 and 2: Yes Sir!  
  
Timesplitter 1: Well like I was saying do you really like to... duck a monkey!  
  
(A monkey goes flying past the head of the second timsplitter and runs around the room franticaly)  
  
Timesplitter 2: Oh Earthlings God, I almost got assassined by a monkey?  
  
Timesplitter 1: I got it armph (he picks it up and shoves it down his throat which is conveniantly located on his shoulder)  
  
Timesplitter 1: I like monkeys but they give me gas.(Suddenly a huge lightning bolt flies out his hand and decapitates the second timesplitter)... Woah that was a huge fart, awesome you okay?  
  
Timesplitter 2 with head blown off: Only a flesh wound... ugh.(falls down dead)  
  
Timesplitter 1: Are you okay? If you don't want me to eat you then say my true name backwards!  
  
Timesplitter 2: Uhh daeh ttub?  
  
Butt Head: heh heh heh... kick @$$!  
  
Both Timesplitters: Shut up you!(They rip the guys head off and both eat it through their right shoulder) Eww disgusting humans taste like $#*^!  
  
Timesplitter 1: Nope for your information it is... lets see.(grabs a human and rips his under wear off without taking his pants off first) Thats an odd coikny dink, your right, oh well... armph(Eats timesplitter 2 through shoulder again) Yum... Bob? Bob? Noooooooooooooooooo(gets down on his knees and a yellow lquid starts coming out of his feet) What have I done? What have I done?  
  
Intercom: YOU JUST ATE YOUR #$%^&*! BEST FRIEND SINCE YESTERDAY!  
  
(Scene goes back to the ship and Cortez is unconcious)  
  
Corp. Hart: Ha ha you @$$hole you deserved it.  
  
Wrist radio: Approaching destination, buckle yo big @$$ butt to the seat and hang on!  
  
Corp. Hart: HEY!  
  
Sgt. Cortez: What happened?  
  
Smaaaaaaaaaaaaack(Corp. Hart hits him very hard and his face were she hit him turns red)  
  
Sgt. Cortez: owie owie owie owie(Starts crying) waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah  
  
Corp. Hart: Stop crying and put on your desguise!  
  
Sgt. Cortez: Yaaaah the pruple dinosaur one?  
  
Corp. Hart: No the one were you look like a pizza delivery man.  
  
Sgt. Cortez: Yaaaaaaaaaay!  
  
(Ship flies into docking bay where the Timesplitter is and suddenly crashes onto the ground)  
  
Pizza Girl: Gotta learn to drive a Stick!  
  
Pizza Guy: (in an Ittalian accent) Pizza delivery for a... Hugh Jass.  
  
Pizza Girl: HEY!(Smacks Cortez)  
  
Pizza Guy: OOOOOOOOOW  
  
Timesplitter: Yay pizza, what flavor?  
  
Pizza girl: uhhhh, Kitty?  
  
Timesplitter: My favorite, yum.(Runs and jumps on pizza box that starts meowing)  
  
Pizza Girl: CORTEZ!  
  
Pizza Guy: What, they were out of bunnies!  
  
Pizza Girl: Did you put in the time bomb?  
  
Pizza Guy: Hart Roger, uh Roger Hart!  
  
(They start running and taking off the pizza outfits but suddenly Hart becomes enveloped in two black boxes that say Censor)  
  
Sgt. Cortez: Thank you God, yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.(Starts Smiling like crazy)  
  
Corp. Hart: Oops sorry let me fix that. Click.(She pusshes the button on her remote which fused to her robotic arm, and her clothes turn back to normal) Sorry just in case. Well that bomb pizza should go off in five... four... thr.  
  
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM  
  
Corp Hart: Oh well can't beat quantum nuclear physics, right Cortez?  
  
Sgt. Cortez: Laaaaaaaaaaaargh(eyes are fixed on Corp. Harts posterior)  
  
Corp. Hart: Ignore him, if I punch him again his health meter will go down and disapear... hmm.(Cortez realizes what she is talking about and starts running) Get back here Cortez!  
  
Sgt. Cortez: Nooooooooooooo.(pulls a gun out from behind his back) Eat hot steaming plasma &^%$#!  
  
Corp. Hart: CORTEZ!  
  
Sgt. Cortez: Oops sorry, bad mouth bad.(Starts pulling on his tounge when suddenly you hear some annoyingly yet appropriate singing in the background)  
  
Timesplitters 1-11: Hi ho hi ho it off to work inthedestructionofthepunyfabricofearthlingtimewhichisveryeasytodestroyandwillbedoneunlesswestopsingingandareslaughteredlikesmallanimalsontheplanetquanatar6whichwasfilledwithbunniesuntilwecamethereandatethemall hi ho hi ho hi ho.  
  
Copr. Hart: I hate that song, darn you Timesplitters, stop stealing and twisting the already dumb songs of Disney, although that Grumpy was kinda cute, hehehe.  
  
(while she says that cortez is already in their blasting everyone in the room except for eight timesplitter which he let go on cause he wanted to see the smoke go poof and all of the flashing lights)  
  
Sgt. Cortez: Hahaha funny lights make me feel happy yay.  
  
Corp. Hart: You idiot you now have to chase them down and get those crystals, and since you are an idiot just like the writer of this fanfic, you cannot be trusted alone. Threfore I am coming with you.  
  
Sgt. Cortez: Look a sandwhich...(looks around the room than dog piles on the sandwhich but it is pulled by a string near the timeportal)MINE!!!  
  
CONK(Cortez smacks his head into the top of the time portal and falls down backwards)  
  
Sgt. Cortez: Ow... my sandwhich... where are you tasty little morsel? Huh, whats this(notices some red stuuf splattered all around his body) Nooooooooooooooooooo, my sandwhich it died waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah(starts crying)  
  
Corp. Hart: Come on lets go! This story is long enough as it is, we don't need you to sing a love song for a sandwhich you only knew for maybe 12 seconds.(she yanks on cortez's ear pulling him into the portal)  
  
Sgt. Cortez: Near, far where ever I are, I am using bad language and my ear hurts! weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!(They disapear into the portal and Cortez finaly shuts up)  
  
And The Moral of The Story, Clowns are scary therefore are dangerous, don't trust them or bad jokes and/or pies will hit you in the face.  
  
Beware next time... who cares you'll find out later blah blah blah. Like I said I don't own anything in this story except that sandwhich which Sgt. Cortez killed so something bad is gonna happen to him next time. Please don't sue me for all that was written here but you can sue Kaze356, yes I know him... noooo I don't stalk him, who said I did! Keep lookin to the stars especially the sun!  
E-mail me for ideas at darkshadow07@msn.com  
  
The End... For Now 


End file.
